Driving with Dementia

It's time to dive deep into one of the most challenging and emotionally charged topics faced by families and caregivers: navigating the conversation around driving with dementia. Our guest, Robin Rountree, Director of Communications and Marketing for the Alzheimer's and Dementia Resource Center and host of the Informed Aging Podcast, shares her personal and professional journey inspired by her mother's battle with Lewy body dementia.

We explore why driving is often the last vestige of independence for older adults and discuss the immense skills and mental load required for safe driving—skills often diminished by cognitive changes. Robin and our host unravel the emotional barriers families encounter, such as denial and guilt, and the complex balance between preserving dignity and ensuring safety for everyone on the road.

With humor, vulnerability, and firsthand insights, this episode is a must-listen for anyone supporting an aging loved one through difficult decisions about independence and safety. Tune in for guidance on starting the conversation, protecting both your loved one and your peace of mind, and ensuring the well-being of everyone on the road.

SeniorLivingGuide.com Podcast sponsored by LivDry & TerraBella Senior Living
 

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Transcript

SeniorLivingGuide.com Podcast

Date: July 22, 2026

Duration: 35:11

Speakers: 2

Darleen Mahoney [00:00:03 - 00:00:50]

Thank you everyone for joining us on this podcast. We are joined by Robin Roundtree. She's the Director of Communications and Marketing for the Alzheimer's and Dementia Resource Center and current host of the Informed Aging Podcast, which explores health, help, and the hard decisions for older adults. Her commitment to this work is so professional and personal. Inspired by her family's experience navigating her mom's 6-year journey with Lewy body dementia, Robin brings firsthand insight and compassion to conversations about dementia, caregiving, and aging. She's dedicated to raising awareness, fostering understanding, and connecting people to the support that they need because no one should walk the dementia journey alone. You are so right.

Robin Roundtree [00:00:50 - 00:00:50]

Mm-hmm.

Darleen Mahoney [00:00:50 - 00:00:56]

You know, no caregiver and no, I mean, you just, it's gotta be, to be group effort.

Robin Roundtree [00:00:56 - 00:00:58]

Yeah, it's a team sport. 100%.

Darleen Mahoney [00:00:58 - 00:01:23]

It is a team sport. Oh my gosh, you have— yes, yes, you do have an idea. So yes, yeah, absolutely. I agree with you on that. So I know one of the things that we talk about dementia and Alzheimer's, we have different episodes that include different types of information. And one that is just like usually just like this little baby bullet point that I think we need to discuss a little bit further because it's so important is driving with dementia.

Robin Roundtree [00:01:23 - 00:01:26]

It's a hard one.

Darleen Mahoney [00:01:26 - 00:01:37]

It is a hard one. It's a difficult one to navigate. I think it's important to learn what, when to take the keys away, how to take the keys away, and the practical solutions.

Robin Roundtree [00:01:37 - 00:01:41]

Right, right. So that's a whole lot to cover.

Darleen Mahoney [00:01:41 - 00:01:52]

It is a whole lot to cover. So we've always like baby touched on it as just this, but never really gotten into the minutia of it. And I think that that's what we want to do today. Right.

Robin Roundtree [00:01:53 - 00:02:14]

So with any form of dementia, you're having brain changes. And you can't really see exactly what those brain changes are, but driving requires a large amount of skills. And that's why your 16-year-old, their brain isn't even fully developed, and it's frightening to put them on the road. So—

Darleen Mahoney [00:02:14 - 00:02:14]

Exactly.

Robin Roundtree [00:02:14 - 00:02:30]

But they eventually get the experience. But it's a visual thing. It's decision-making. It's knowing your spatial surroundings. Am I in my lane? Am I not in my lane? Is that working?

Darleen Mahoney [00:02:30 - 00:02:30]

Mm-hmm.

Robin Roundtree [00:02:30 - 00:02:57]

There's so many things at play. Reaction time, anticipating bad things that could happen or good things that can happen, being aware of all of your surroundings. and possibly listening to the radio or talking on the phone and being distracted by your to-do list. Uh, it's a big mental load that we don't think about when we're doing it because we've probably been doing it for decades, right?

Darleen Mahoney [00:02:57 - 00:02:57]

Right.

Robin Roundtree [00:02:57 - 00:03:10]

By the time you're our age, it's just like, oh, I've been doing this a while. But then if you even take away one of those skills, if it's slightly impaired, Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:03:11 - 00:03:19]

And that's a large thing to have out in the public if you're having issues.

Robin Roundtree [00:03:19 - 00:03:20]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:03:20 - 00:03:22]

It can become something very dangerous.

Robin Roundtree [00:03:22 - 00:03:24]

Yeah. Very, very dangerous.

Darleen Mahoney [00:03:24 - 00:03:28]

We've seen the accidents of just drivers that are probably not impaired.

Robin Roundtree [00:03:28 - 00:04:03]

Right. And recently in the support group that I host, I had someone who was driving someone come. And she told me the story. Her husband was still driving, um, but just to the familiar places. Okay? So she was not with him in the car, but apparently he was driving through their neighborhood. Someone was walking in the middle of the street, didn't move out of the street. So the story that came out is he stopped behind the person and hit the horn very loudly. Some people would have just walked away going, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Darleen Mahoney [00:04:03 - 00:04:04]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:04:04 - 00:04:15]

This person was not a great person. So first they filed charges for stalking. They decided that wasn't going to fly, so they actually had him charged with attempted murder.

Darleen Mahoney [00:04:15 - 00:04:16]

Oh, wow.

Robin Roundtree [00:04:16 - 00:04:30]

Yes. They, they somehow found out about the diagnosis and decided to play it for all it was worth. They did get The charges dismissed, but she said all the legal fees, $12,000.

Darleen Mahoney [00:04:30 - 00:04:30]

Wow.

Robin Roundtree [00:04:30 - 00:04:34]

And that's what I can't stop thinking about.

Darleen Mahoney [00:04:34 - 00:04:43]

And the toll it must have taken on him, just because, I mean, he has a certain capability of processing it all.

Robin Roundtree [00:04:43 - 00:04:51]

And the wife is like, that's not him, but I wasn't there. I don't know what happened. So there's always somebody out there looking to take advantage, unfortunately.

Darleen Mahoney [00:04:51 - 00:04:53]

In this day and age, 100%.

Robin Roundtree [00:04:54 - 00:05:14]

Yes, yes. So I do think you have to think about that, but there's so many things to navigate because I find working with family caregivers that denial is covering up so much. We don't want to admit that our loved one has this horrible, incurable disease.

Darleen Mahoney [00:05:14 - 00:05:19]

Ding, ding, ding. That is so much of it, 100%. Yeah, I mean, I just—

Robin Roundtree [00:05:20 - 00:05:45]

Yeah. I've never met a caregiver that, like, picked up on the first red flag and went, oh, we've got a problem here. You just dismiss it because your brain wants everything to be okay. And so you could be moving along in the illness, not realizing the keys should have already come away. So you've got that part of it. You've got the family member not wanting to rid the person of their independence.

Darleen Mahoney [00:05:45 - 00:05:45]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:05:46 - 00:05:48]

Yeah. That's tough.

Darleen Mahoney [00:05:48 - 00:06:17]

Because, you know, once that independence for driving a car, it's not like they're going to get better. And at some point, they're going to be able to take those keys back. Even if, even, you know, like as people age, you have to pass a driver's test or eye test or whatever to continue to keep those keys. But they don't put an age limit on it as far as I know. I don't think any DMV says, okay, you're 90, you get your keys taken away. So it really is based on the ability to drive safely.

Robin Roundtree [00:06:17 - 00:06:18]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:06:19 - 00:06:19]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:06:19 - 00:06:43]

Which every 6 months it could be going down a little bit. And a lot of people I have found with a dementia-related diagnosis don't realize that there's something wrong. So you're telling a person who doesn't think anything's wrong with them that I think there's something wrong and you need to stop driving. That couldn't cause any problems at all, could it?

Darleen Mahoney [00:06:43 - 00:06:44]

Right, right.

Robin Roundtree [00:06:44 - 00:07:58]

Yeah. So it's a, it's a big thing to talk about. In the best-case scenario, you would have discussed this before anything happened, right? Um, we as Americans don't like talking about death and dying and getting old. Um, we're a very youth-centric society. But, um, I've often joked I can't wait until I can't drive anymore because I really don't enjoy the process of driving. I don't think I'm a great driver to begin with. So the first time somebody says give up your keys, I would think, oh sure. But then I'm like, but I love deciding where I'm going when I do my Sunday errands. I can switch it up. I can do this. I can change my mind and go get a little refreshing cocktail, you know, and watch the football game. I'm in charge, but if I'm not behind the wheel anymore— so in a perfect world, you talk about if I ever had to give up— if you ever had to give up the keys, what would that look like for you? Have that discussion. And would that mean I want to go to independent living? Would that mean I have to stay home and financially figure out how to—

Darleen Mahoney [00:07:58 - 00:07:58]

Mm-hmm.

Robin Roundtree [00:07:59 - 00:08:19]

Maybe just pay, you know, an Uber or a Lyft. Go-go grandparent, whatever service you have. Am I relying on neighbors? I mean, I think it's just as an important conversation as, am I going to age at home, age in place, or am I going to move to a place that will take care of me and I don't have to worry about so many things?

Darleen Mahoney [00:08:19 - 00:08:41]

Right. So you're talking about having that conversation with someone that's just maybe aging, and may not have any cognitive issues. It's just having that. It's like having the conversation when you get older and you can't live independently, what do you want? You make those decisions before you need it, I think is always super smart.

Robin Roundtree [00:08:41 - 00:08:43]

Yeah. Do we do it? No.

Darleen Mahoney [00:08:43 - 00:09:06]

No. Oh no. Especially this conversation. This conversation is very specific and it's one that implies that it's a possibility. And as we know, at least for me, the thought of getting and being diagnosed with any kind of dementias, Alzheimer's, anything like that, is very, very scary.

Robin Roundtree [00:09:06 - 00:09:07]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:09:07 - 00:09:14]

And you don't want to think that it can happen to that person, but it's not going to happen to me, you know?

Robin Roundtree [00:09:14 - 00:09:14]

No.

Darleen Mahoney [00:09:14 - 00:09:15]

Yeah. No.

Robin Roundtree [00:09:15 - 00:09:16]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:09:16 - 00:09:27]

So, I mean, you were just talking about like the younger generation and they're just doing their thing. You know, my mom always said death and taxes. They're inevitable. Well, she was half right. I don't know about the taxes, but—

Robin Roundtree [00:09:27 - 00:09:39]

Right. I don't know. If you got a good attorney, maybe not. Maybe not. Yeah. So, but it's— it is one of those conversations we should have, but often we don't. So if you didn't, what do you do?

Darleen Mahoney [00:09:39 - 00:09:39]

Right.

Robin Roundtree [00:09:41 - 00:10:15]

I think before you start addressing the issue, you need to come up with solutions instead of just, we're taking your keys away. And then figuring out, you need to come with a few ideas. Research, you know, bus routes. Where I live, we have new electric vehicles that are a little more lenient than a bus schedule. People are still getting used to it, but it's a, it's a reduced cost. It's cheaper than Lyft. So I know that's available. If—

Darleen Mahoney [00:10:15 - 00:10:20]

I do have concerns about someone with cognitive issues taking a bus.

Robin Roundtree [00:10:21 - 00:10:21]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:10:21 - 00:10:47]

I mean, for me, are they going to get off? They're a vulnerable human in our society on a bus full of people that are maybe not vulnerable, clearly, unless it's specifically senior-related, and it could become an issue. And then what if they get off at the wrong stop and then they don't know how to work their phone? I just have all the— I mean, I do the worst-case scenario. the rabbit hole of darkness.

Robin Roundtree [00:10:47 - 00:10:48]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:10:48 - 00:11:04]

So that's my concern on the bus part as a solution, unless it's very early dementia and you still have those abilities. But I do think that it's concerning that that would be like any kind of long-term solution.

Robin Roundtree [00:11:04 - 00:11:05]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:11:05 - 00:11:05]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:11:05 - 00:11:12]

And then like a Lyft or Uber app, do they even screen their drivers? I don't know.

Darleen Mahoney [00:11:12 - 00:11:39]

Yeah. Now I do think that there's definitely, and I know we've worked with them in the past, that specifically screened for seniors. And they just provide senior services and transportation and delivery, medication delivery, grocery delivery, different things like that. And I am assuming that those are screened a little bit with a little bit more scrutiny than, you know, your Lyft driver. So, yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:11:39 - 00:11:57]

So if we don't— if we aren't paying for somebody, Then you have to rely on family and friends. I've often seen the older group of women. Shirley's the only one who can drive after dark. So we can't—

Darleen Mahoney [00:11:57 - 00:11:59]

That will not be me. I will not be Shirley.

Robin Roundtree [00:11:59 - 00:12:09]

So is everybody in the friend group okay to drive? It's scary. We rarely live in walkable communities.

Darleen Mahoney [00:12:10 - 00:12:10]

No.

Robin Roundtree [00:12:10 - 00:12:20]

Where the person is a block away from the grocery store. I don't think our country is really built for aging people who are poor drivers.

Darleen Mahoney [00:12:20 - 00:12:51]

Exactly. The transportation for a specific senior is probably like, for actually getting a car is probably your best bet. But I know that when I took my dad's car keys away, which is just a whole story in itself, I got him, before we moved him into more of a memory care, assisted living type of environment, when he was still aging in place in that transition, I had home care come.

Robin Roundtree [00:12:51 - 00:12:52]

Nice.

Darleen Mahoney [00:12:52 - 00:13:28]

So home care can provide those transportation, they can do some of those as well. So that was kind of our best workaround because honestly, all the man wanted to do was go to Publix and go to breakfast. Other than that, he didn't care. He had some doctor's appointments that he needed to go to and things like that, but at the end— and he didn't even want to go to those. But the places that he wanted to go daily, because he still every day wanted to go get breakfast at Kiki's or chicken at Popeyes, I don't know, all the terrible things that he ate, which he probably shouldn't have been eating, but just at that point, just let him have it.

Robin Roundtree [00:13:28 - 00:13:29]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:13:29 - 00:13:33]

Was really all he was interested in.

Robin Roundtree [00:13:34 - 00:13:46]

Yeah, and if that's his quality of life, you don't want to take it away. So yeah, home care is one answer. Yeah, we all know that's not free. So, um, right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:13:46 - 00:14:24]

But it is— it can be affordable if you, um, do a budget for it and then maybe do a couple, just a couple hours a week, um, or a couple days a week at a couple hours, something of that nature. Um, full-time for sure, but it's something you can consider. But I'm not going to advocate for any specific home care because I think you have to really screen home care companies. Then those that are providing service to your loved one, I really advocate for making sure you meet them, you talk to them, and they're the ones consistently going into the home if you're not there versus a revolving door of caregivers.

Robin Roundtree [00:14:24 - 00:14:33]

I spent 40 years working in home care and I know from a staffing perspective. That's what everyone wants, and it's so hard to deliver that.

Darleen Mahoney [00:14:33 - 00:14:43]

It is, it is. Yeah, but I, I'm, I'm not a fan of compromise when it, when it would come to my parents. So good for you, you, you keep moving and figure it out.

Robin Roundtree [00:14:43 - 00:15:16]

I love it. Yeah, I love it. And that's what you have to do. Um, but you know, it is difficult. So friends and neighbors, we talked about that. Possibly home care. Mass transportation, probably not great. If they move in with you, that's a whole lot of other things to discuss. But that's why you kind of have to have a plan coming in instead of, I'm taking away your independence. It's, I think we have an issue here and these, I think, would be some possible solutions.

Darleen Mahoney [00:15:16 - 00:15:24]

Yeah. I do have the concern that once they get to the point where they really should not be driving, they probably shouldn't be living alone either. So—

Robin Roundtree [00:15:24 - 00:15:25]

Correct.

Darleen Mahoney [00:15:25 - 00:15:59]

Not without, you know, unplugging the stove. And even then, I mean, that to me is just one little solution, but you don't want them burning down the house or leaving the house to go get the mail and get lost. 'Cause if they're having issues driving and getting lost in a car, then they may have an issue just, you know, going for a walk. And then you've got, what do they call it? The silver alert out there for a walking person. So there's always that concern as well. So I think you really need to, when you get to that point, find solutions outside of just the driving.

Robin Roundtree [00:15:59 - 00:16:01]

Yeah, agreed.

Darleen Mahoney [00:16:01 - 00:16:01]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:16:01 - 00:16:10]

And the battle is always the adult child wants to wrap their person in bubble wrap and keep them safe from everything.

Darleen Mahoney [00:16:10 - 00:16:10]

Right.

Robin Roundtree [00:16:10 - 00:16:14]

And, but you still have a human being who deserves dignity.

Darleen Mahoney [00:16:14 - 00:16:15]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:16:15 - 00:16:24]

And wants to have their own voice and finding that compromise. It takes a lot of discussions, but we all know family discussions don't always go well.

Darleen Mahoney [00:16:24 - 00:17:02]

I wanted to see if you could give our listeners that are caregivers or have family members that they have concerns with, how— I mean, I can share how I approached it, but I would love to hear different because I didn't know how to do it and mine fell in my lap. for me because it was— my dad had— I knew we were getting ready to move him. We knew he had some issues. He was driving. And I mean, I was seeing where he was pulling up Google Maps, and then he got to where he couldn't even do that anymore on the computer.

Robin Roundtree [00:17:02 - 00:17:03]

Mm-hmm.

Darleen Mahoney [00:17:03 - 00:17:57]

He forgot how to navigate the computer because he couldn't get to places he goes to all the time. And it's the craziest thing because I'm like, I appreciate the fact that he can print this out and he can find his way, because I don't know if that would work for me because we're so GPS-oriented that now you're reading a paper and trying to remember where the streets are. I don't know. But I know one time he said to me, and this was very early on and this was in my denial phase, he said to me, have you ever been like out driving and you're sitting at a stoplight and you're not that far away and it's someplace you should remember and you think to yourself, I don't know where I am or what to do. And I was like, maybe. I mean, maybe you're like going, oh, what was I doing? Or, oh, we're still going to the store. So I discounted it because I did not want to give any credence that this was an issue or a problem. But clearly that was, I think, him reaching out a little bit to say, hey.

Robin Roundtree [00:17:57 - 00:17:58]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:17:58 - 00:18:30]

I think I'm having a problem. And I didn't give it to him. And I do, you know, have guilt about that. Once he was at that point where he should not be driving, and this was like a Wednesday, that weekend we were planning on going over there and having the conversation with him and telling him we were gonna take the keys. And I knew he was gonna have a fit. I just knew he was gonna have a fit because he was having a few little outbursts that were really not part of his normal personality.

Robin Roundtree [00:18:30 - 00:18:30]

Mm-hmm.

Darleen Mahoney [00:18:30 - 00:19:01]

So I was kind of seeing a little bit of that. So I was like, oh, it's gonna be horrible to take his keys away from him. Well, he called me on a Wednesday and I'm about an hour away. He calls me and he says, I was working with this lady and we had a business deal. And she came by today and told me that I owed her money. And because I didn't have the money, she took my car as payment. I'm like, what? And I'm thinking, you know, we need to make sure he has all the assets that he can.

Robin Roundtree [00:19:02 - 00:19:02]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:19:02 - 00:19:38]

To pay for the care he was going to need. And that car was a very big asset in, you know, in some of the things that we were going to use to put towards his extended care. And I panicked. My friend was not that far. I told her, I said, you got to go check on my dad. His car was stolen. I called the Oviedo, because it was in Florida, Police Department and said, my dad's car had been stolen. And I'm literally thinking, maybe, maybe, just maybe, They took it away from him because they caught on to his, you know, the jig was up, but not so much.

Robin Roundtree [00:19:38 - 00:19:39]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:19:39 - 00:20:11]

So I get in the car and I'm flying over there. And I get there and the police called me on the way and they said, well, your dad's car is here. He doesn't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, trust me, it is not me. And he said— they said, we get that. Your dad should not be driving. I said, I get that. I said, we were going to kibosh that over the weekend, but clearly we're kiboshing it today. And when I got over there, the police had pretty much already gone. And I sat down with my dad. I said, the police said you can't drive anymore.

Robin Roundtree [00:20:11 - 00:20:14]

There you go.

Darleen Mahoney [00:20:14 - 00:20:15]

And that was the ticket.

Robin Roundtree [00:20:15 - 00:20:16]

Yes.

Darleen Mahoney [00:20:16 - 00:20:28]

Because he's a rule follower. You know, oh, the police say I can't drive? I cannot drive. But I also think There was some relief that came over him because he knew he should not be driving.

Robin Roundtree [00:20:28 - 00:20:48]

Yeah. And if you know your person, that's the big secret to this conversation. If they are a rule follower, then you want the doctor or a police officer, or if they're a veteran, someone higher in rank to say, this is the rule and you can't do it anymore.

Darleen Mahoney [00:20:48 - 00:20:54]

It takes the heat off you as the person that is— You know, the caregiver. Yeah, for sure.

Robin Roundtree [00:20:54 - 00:20:56]

Somebody else has to be the bad guy.

Darleen Mahoney [00:20:56 - 00:20:57]

Yeah. Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:20:57 - 00:21:04]

And then it's not, you did this, you did this, because you are going to do all these other bad things. So just don't add it to your pile.

Darleen Mahoney [00:21:04 - 00:21:06]

I know, I know, I know.

Robin Roundtree [00:21:06 - 00:21:40]

You could, if it's a generous person, you can say, you know, there's maybe a young relative, your niece, your granddaughter, looking for a car. What do you think? You're not using it that much. About giving it to her. So that may work. You just have to know your person. If they are very worried about, you know, let's say they complain about attorneys. Dad, you know, your doctor says there might be something wrong. You could really up your risk of being sued if you keep driving.

Darleen Mahoney [00:21:40 - 00:21:42]

Oh yeah, that's a big one, I do believe.

Robin Roundtree [00:21:42 - 00:22:11]

Yeah. So you have to know their pain points and what you think may work. But I promise you, there is no perfect conversation that will make this easy. And probably approach it a little bit at a time. Talk about, I heard my neighbor had to give up her car. What are your thoughts? What would happen if that would happen to you? So And then, you know, ice cream, throw that in.

Darleen Mahoney [00:22:11 - 00:22:41]

So I do want to ask you this question. If they are being argumentative and don't want to give in to the taking of the keys, do you approach with them and say, Dad, Mom, when you're driving, do you feel like you're safe and the people— I mean, do you ever get a little scared? I mean, you kind of do, right? And do you play on those emotions? Do you kind of get them to kind of admit that they shouldn't be driving? Do you think that that's a thing?

Robin Roundtree [00:22:41 - 00:23:01]

Yes. I would try that if you think that they're aware. Also, another bad guy you can use is to have a third party give them a driving test. So you'll have to ask around to find that, but there is a woman locally who has a car with a brake on her side as well. Okay.

Darleen Mahoney [00:23:01 - 00:23:01]

Okay.

Robin Roundtree [00:23:02 - 00:23:26]

And she says, you know, she'll go around the first hour, they're very concentrated and trying to do— and then after an hour they relax and she sees the real driver. So instead of you saying as a relative, I don't think you're a good driver, say, I've got my concerns, but I could be wrong. Can we go to somebody else and see if I'm crazy or not?

Darleen Mahoney [00:23:26 - 00:23:45]

Yeah. Because you can't go to the DMV and say, hey, my dad has dementia, I'm fairly certain. Can you suspend his driver's license? Because that's— I could be completely wrong, but I think you have to literally go to court and have—

Robin Roundtree [00:23:45 - 00:23:55]

You can fill out a form with FHP, I believe it is, and we will find the link and put it in the show notes, that you can report someone.

Darleen Mahoney [00:23:55 - 00:23:56]

Okay.

Robin Roundtree [00:23:56 - 00:24:02]

I have heard it goes a lot faster if it is like a doctor who puts it in.

Darleen Mahoney [00:24:02 - 00:24:03]

Okay.

Robin Roundtree [00:24:03 - 00:24:27]

But then they have to investigate. So it may take a while before that happens. So, and we don't really love that, um, if we find out it's been reported and they used to let them drive, uh, that's— it's— but there are ways. And a doctor can also make the call. So you don't— I don't think it has to be a full-on court case.

Darleen Mahoney [00:24:27 - 00:24:28]

Okay.

Robin Roundtree [00:24:28 - 00:24:32]

But you can put a heads up and also call your local department.

Darleen Mahoney [00:24:32 - 00:24:32]

Yeah, see.

Robin Roundtree [00:24:32 - 00:24:37]

Your police department or sheriff department and say, what do you advise?

Darleen Mahoney [00:24:37 - 00:24:46]

'Cause I almost wonder if they could maybe come out and have a conversation and then kind of, you know, Mr. So-and-so, maybe you shouldn't be driving. Maybe you should listen to your daughter. Yeah, yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:24:46 - 00:24:47]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:24:47 - 00:24:52]

My dad, I had an issue. This is a totally off topic, but My dad had a conceal and carry.

Robin Roundtree [00:24:52 - 00:24:54]

Oh, wow.

Darleen Mahoney [00:24:54 - 00:25:25]

And he was carrying the gun in the car. And he would have little paranoid kind of things. And I was like, this has got to go. This is dangerous. I tried to get the conceal and carry— I called them for them to cancel it and let him know he's not allowed to do that anymore. They wouldn't do it because it was a 10-year conceal and carry. carry. So I just stole his gun.

Robin Roundtree [00:25:25 - 00:25:27]

There you go.

Darleen Mahoney [00:25:27 - 00:25:31]

He never asked about it. That's the kicker. He's probably like, I don't know what happened to that.

Robin Roundtree [00:25:31 - 00:25:32]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:25:32 - 00:25:35]

But I'm like, he does not need a gun.

Robin Roundtree [00:25:35 - 00:25:56]

Yeah. So if logic isn't working, they don't want to donate, they don't want to give it up, nobody's stopping him, then you think about hiding the keys, Taking the car away. Some people will disconnect things so the car won't go, so the car is still there.

Darleen Mahoney [00:25:56 - 00:25:57]

That's a pro tip.

Robin Roundtree [00:25:57 - 00:26:01]

Yes, yes. I don't know how to do it. I would have to— No, no.

Darleen Mahoney [00:26:02 - 00:26:04]

Honestly, I think you just take the battery out.

Robin Roundtree [00:26:04 - 00:26:29]

Right? Yeah, take the battery out. Or we start with lies of love, which everyone has their opinion on. I think they have their time and their place. And you take it and go, oh, the car is in the shop, and oh, everybody in the shop took vacation at the same time. It's been, you know, a while. But let me take you somewhere. So here's the main thing is that this person stops driving.

Darleen Mahoney [00:26:29 - 00:26:29]

Right.

Robin Roundtree [00:26:29 - 00:26:41]

And it may take 4 different avenues to get to that destination, but you've got to remember it's not just about your person being happy. with the outcome.

Darleen Mahoney [00:26:41 - 00:26:42]

Right.

Robin Roundtree [00:26:42 - 00:26:44]

It's the safety of all of us on the roads.

Darleen Mahoney [00:26:44 - 00:26:58]

Yeah. I mean, like I mentioned, that is a, what, 500-pound weapon if it's not being driven correctly. It's almost— I want to almost say it's almost probably driving similar to driving while intoxicated.

Robin Roundtree [00:26:58 - 00:27:07]

Right. I think it would depend on the attorney, and if they found out you have a lot of assets, they're gonna They're going to argue.

Darleen Mahoney [00:27:07 - 00:27:07]

Sure.

Robin Roundtree [00:27:07 - 00:27:10]

If you're the power of attorney, I don't know how that works, and I don't—

Darleen Mahoney [00:27:10 - 00:27:11]

I don't either.

Robin Roundtree [00:27:11 - 00:27:18]

I want to make that clear. I'm not an attorney, and I don't know what I'm talking about. I just know they're always looking for somebody to sue.

Darleen Mahoney [00:27:18 - 00:27:57]

Right, right. No, 100%. Um, and, and it's for me even like the safety of the home. So if you know he has issues and leaves the stove on often, and you come over, Dad, the stove is on and you did not disconnect it, and that house burns down and the house next door burns down. And I just feel like there's so much liability there, um, on that person caring for someone that, that can't necessarily care properly for themselves. So, and, you know, even like, you know, people that are having some issues that are still living alone that are taking care of pets and animals.

Robin Roundtree [00:27:57 - 00:27:57]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:27:57 - 00:28:09]

Those pets and animals may be being overfed or underfed. They may be getting taken out or they may not be getting taken out. And sometimes those are Captain Obvious when you walk into the house.

Robin Roundtree [00:28:09 - 00:28:10]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:28:10 - 00:28:37]

So it is stuff like that I think you have to look at. And that's completely different than the driving, but also, you know, if they're taking care of pets and you don't wanna take that away from them because that's probably their, very well maybe their only like, I know I work at home with my dog and she and I have more conversations than I do with a human during the day for the most part. So it's not going to be any different for them. So that's hard as well. But you want to also keep the safety of those animals in mind as well. So yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:28:37 - 00:28:46]

Yeah. Yeah. It's— these are all tough decisions, tough conversations. There's nothing easy about dealing with dementia.

Darleen Mahoney [00:28:46 - 00:28:46]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:28:47 - 00:29:06]

So, you know, On one hand, I'm saying don't beat yourself up too much, but on the other hand, I would prefer no one with dementia be driving on the roads because bad things happen and we want people to be safe and we don't want people to be sued when you've got 1,000 other things on your plate to worry about.

Darleen Mahoney [00:29:06 - 00:30:07]

No, but I will say this, just from talking to folks who've had their parent diagnosed, one of the first signs that they really did know something's going on is that call. I have a girlfriend whose mom, she thought She was having a little bit of issues, but not really. She was just— her dad had just been entered into skilled and they really weren't that old. And she thought she was going to be fine. She just thought she was like having confusion from being alone and the different things. But she had OnStar and she called her from OnStar and couldn't figure out how to get home. And my girlfriend's like, Mom, you're like 2 blocks from the house. And she's like, I don't understand what's going on. How can you? And she thought maybe there was a roadblock or something like that, but she couldn't understand it. So she called the police and the police came out there and they called my girlfriend back and said, your mom should not be driving. She does not have a clue where she is. And she literally is a half a mile from a house that you were born and raised in.

Robin Roundtree [00:30:07 - 00:30:09]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:30:09 - 00:30:09]

Yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:30:09 - 00:30:35]

And in my denial stage, we didn't have a big airport in our town. But she had driven to pick people up and go on trips 50 times at least to the big city. It was a 2-hour trip. And she calls and says, it took me 6 hours to get home because I couldn't figure it out. Oh my gosh. But that was the first red flag. And I said, Mom, we're getting you a GPS. This was quite some time ago when we didn't have it on our phones.

Darleen Mahoney [00:30:35 - 00:30:36]

You had a Garmin.

Robin Roundtree [00:30:36 - 00:30:46]

Yes, that's exactly what it was. And so she got mad at me, but then she called me back and said, no, I think that's probably a good idea. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, problem, problem solved.

Darleen Mahoney [00:30:46 - 00:30:47]

Yes.

Robin Roundtree [00:30:47 - 00:30:52]

But I look back and I'm like, that was my first red flag that I ignored for 3 more years.

Darleen Mahoney [00:30:52 - 00:31:28]

Yeah. And I mean, the thing that my dad said to me was way before I thought he had dementia. I just didn't clue into it. Now, she clued into it when, I mean, she was so lost she could not get home, even with OnStar, which I don't even know if that's a thing anymore. But yeah. Yeah. So I mean, it really can be like the first big red flag, especially if you're in some form of denial on the little things that you're noticing, or you're not around that person. So you don't see the little things because you're not, you know, you're not seeing them, but like on the weekends or maybe catching dinner or something like that.

Robin Roundtree [00:31:28 - 00:32:07]

Yeah. So I would advise, if you think your parent is fine, do a walk around of the car every time you visit. Because we may start to see little scratches, little dings. There is a study where they're seeing if the driving is the first sign of mild cognitive impairment. Still a study, but I thought, well, yeah, that's interesting. Because it takes so much brain activity to drive, if you start having little accidents here and there, and they'll, you know, probably blame it on somebody else, which we all do. But that may be one of the little signs that you can start to look for.

Darleen Mahoney [00:32:08 - 00:32:38]

Yeah, absolutely. And another thing that I think is not a horrible idea, and one of my red flags that it was time for the keys to go, is I followed my dad. We were going somewhere, and I said, well, I'll just follow you. And he drove in the right-hand lane like 20 miles an hour down, you know, I think it was a loma or something like that. And people were honking. I'm like going, oh, this is so not good. And I'm driving behind him to make sure that nothing— first of all, I'm scared somebody in road rage is going to come after him.

Robin Roundtree [00:32:38 - 00:32:38]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:32:39 - 00:32:53]

So I'm literally going, oh my gosh, Dad, what are you doing? So, and he told me, he said, well, I was just driving slow so you could keep up. Well, I was practically on top of you, so I think we're good.

Robin Roundtree [00:32:53 - 00:33:15]

Right. So yeah, we all make mistakes. You know, we should have taken it a long way, you know, a long time before. But please listen to our words of advice. And take those keys away or get rid of the car when you can. And it's not easy and you may feel awful, but the rest of us thank you. Yes.

Darleen Mahoney [00:33:16 - 00:33:27]

I, at one point, I had a manager who said, bad news never ages well. And I think about that because you will avoid it.

Robin Roundtree [00:33:27 - 00:33:28]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:33:28 - 00:33:33]

Avoiding is— it's not going to make it any better. In fact, it's probably going to get worse.

Robin Roundtree [00:33:34 - 00:33:34]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:33:34 - 00:33:35]

So yeah.

Robin Roundtree [00:33:35 - 00:33:41]

And not doing anything is the path that you've chosen. So you have chosen to do something, and that's avoiding it.

Darleen Mahoney [00:33:41 - 00:33:41]

Right.

Robin Roundtree [00:33:41 - 00:33:44]

So that's not the best way to go.

Darleen Mahoney [00:33:44 - 00:33:50]

It's not, it's not. Oh my gosh. Well, is there anything that we missed in our conversation on driving with dementia today?

Robin Roundtree [00:33:50 - 00:34:19]

I just think, look, this is one of those things where somebody says, is there anything I can do? You find your researcher and say, look into what I should do with this situation. Can you call the police department? Can you call the city and see if there's a program out there that can help us? Because there is, but the caregiver with all the responsibility probably doesn't have the time to do it. Okay.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:20 - 00:34:23]

And we have people listening from every state and—

Robin Roundtree [00:34:23 - 00:34:24]

Right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:24 - 00:34:29]

—from different places. those resources vary by locations as well.

Robin Roundtree [00:34:29 - 00:34:31]

Yes. Yeah, for sure.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:32 - 00:34:38]

So, oh my gracious. Well, it was so great talking to you today, Robin. I truly enjoyed it.

Robin Roundtree [00:34:38 - 00:34:39]

Me too.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:39 - 00:34:52]

And hopefully our listeners got some good tips and trips— tricks for having the conversation, taking the keys away, keeping your loved ones safe, and then also those on the street. So safety for everyone.

Robin Roundtree [00:34:53 - 00:34:55]

Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me on.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:55 - 00:35:11]

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much. And if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, please find us anywhere you listen to podcasts, such as Spotify, Apple Podcasts, all the different apps. Like, comment, and share, and definitely subscribe. Thank