What I See Before Anyone Talks About It

Let's dive into the subtle warning signs families often overlook as their loved ones age, with insight from Brooke Schmidt, a registered nurse with over 14 years of experience in senior care, hospice, and community support. Brooke sheds light on early indicators of health challenges—long before the big red flags appear. 

We explore the taboos around incontinence—how it affects dignity, why it’s often hidden, and practical tips for recognizing early symptoms through everyday clues.  Brooke reveals the challenges many older adults face when accessing and choosing the right incontinence products in public and explains how online resources can make both the research and purchasing process more private and supportive for families.

Brooke and Darleen unpack the hidden harm of loneliness and social isolation, discuss medication management pitfalls, and reveal how something as simple as “furniture surfing” can indicate mobility challenges or fear of falling. 

Whether you’re actively supporting a parent or simply want to be better prepared, you’ll find actionable guidance on early intervention—paying attention to patterns, documenting changes, and supporting your loved one before a crisis hits. This episode is packed with real-world advice, empathy, and resources to help you notice the “little things” that can lead to safer, healthier aging.

SeniorLivingGuide.com Podcast sponsored by LivDry & Terrabella Senior Living

Visit LivDry for additional resources and support related to incontinence
 

The background music is written, performed, and produced exclusively by purple-planet.com.
https://www.purple-planet.com/

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Transcript

SeniorLivingGuide.com Podcast

Date: July 14, 2026

Duration: 37:12

Speakers: 2

Segments: 103

Darleen Mahoney [00:00:51 - 00:01:19]

You. Today, I'm very excited to have Brooke Schmidt. She is a registered nurse with over 14 years of experience. The majority of her career has been focused on working with older adults and their families. She has worked in hospice, palliative care, home health, and community services. Her focus is on supporting older adults and their families at. As they age. Thank you for joining us today, Brooke.

Brooke Schmidt [00:01:19 - 00:01:21]

Thank you for having me.

Darleen Mahoney [00:01:21 - 00:01:45]

Yeah, absolutely. I know that you and I chatted briefly about, like, little signs that you might want to be aware of and don't just brush them off. So it's kind of, you know, what you see before anyone talks about it. So kind of let's dig in. So some of the changes that might not be the common ones, but we really need to pay attention to where does that kind of start.

Brooke Schmidt [00:01:46 - 00:02:07]

Yeah. So I usually like to think about it. There's, you know, these, these big red flags, like, mom got lost, she got in an accident, she fell. And then there's the little things that came first that maybe people don't piece together until after the fact. And it's, it's trying to look for those little signs before they become these big issues.

Darleen Mahoney [00:02:08 - 00:02:28]

Yeah. Because a lot of people say, well, I knew mom was in trouble when she called me from two blocks around the corner from where she lives and she couldn't remember where she was at. Clearly there's going to be some signs before that. And I know personally, sometimes it's hard to acknowledge those signs because you. Then you start admitting to yourself something is wrong.

Brooke Schmidt [00:02:29 - 00:02:59]

Yes. And that's, that's a big part of it is getting over that fear, you know, and sometimes I think older adults notice it themselves, but there's this fear of the loss of independence, which is life changing for people as they age. And they go from being in charge for most of their adult life and managing things to now needing to rely on, often adult children. And so there can also be masking that they're hiding the things that are happening to make them less obvious.

Darleen Mahoney [00:03:00 - 00:03:10]

Absolutely. I agree with that 100%. Or making excuses for it or, you know, those types of things. For sure. When you, if you, if you inquire about it, it just. And then it seems off.

Brooke Schmidt [00:03:11 - 00:03:12]

Yes.

Darleen Mahoney [00:03:12 - 00:03:48]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So talking about, you know, we talk about dementia and Alzheimer's a lot on this podcast, but some of those really early signs, I think are so important because we know that treatment after diagnosis as early as possible is key. Instead of just waiting until it gets. And waiting until they call you and say, hey, I don't know. Where I am, and they're literally right around the corner. That's when you know it's progressed without having it really diagnosed. If you're completely unaware that this is something that's needed. So what are those, like, little changes you kind of want to notate?

Brooke Schmidt [00:03:49 - 00:04:24]

Yeah. So when we're talking about, like, subtle changes in memory, some of the big ones that I notice are, you know, for some people, it's sticky notes or it's a notepad, and they've. They've got lists or reminders kind of stuck up around the house everywhere for. For, you know, little details that you and I wouldn't forget during the day. Like, did you turn off the oven? Did you turn off the stove? You know, brush my teeth, These little things. And it's how they're trying to keep everything together in their head. It's. It's putting them everywhere.

Darleen Mahoney [00:04:26 - 00:05:12]

My dad actually did that. That was one of the first, like, tell all signs, because I remember going over there and going, dad, why do you have all. And he had sticky notes with little. With little cups with pens in them, and they were stationed around the house. I was like, this is so weird. And then he'd have, like, sticky notes on certain things. And I'll be honest with you, I somewhat brushed it off because, a. I didn't want to acknowledge that something was going on, and I made an excuse for it. My mom had passed away a few months prior. Maybe he's just stressed or she did so much for him, and now he's doing stuff for himself, so now he's making lists. So I really made excuses for it, which is unfortunate.

Brooke Schmidt [00:05:12 - 00:05:35]

Yeah. And that system, it works for people sometimes. You know, I make a list when I'm going to go camping, and I don't want to forget things, but I can remember where I put my list. But what will start to happen is the list has the bank password, or it has. I'm supposed to call this person and they. They lose the list or they forget why they wrote this note down. And then you start to see it becoming a bigger issue.

Darleen Mahoney [00:05:36 - 00:05:42]

Yeah. Or the pin number, like, sticky noted to the back of the actual debit card, which is a horrible thing.

Brooke Schmidt [00:05:42 - 00:05:42]

Yes.

Darleen Mahoney [00:05:42 - 00:05:48]

And that actually was my dad. So the bank called me to tell me you might have a problem here.

Brooke Schmidt [00:05:48 - 00:06:14]

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. That's. Yeah. And kind of goes hand in hand with it as. As, you know, I see people with calendars or their day planner, and they even become confused about tracking events in a system like that. So you'll See, five things crossed out for one day, and then it's, like, written in three different places because they can't keep up with the spatial organization of a planner in a calendar like they used to.

Darleen Mahoney [00:06:14 - 00:06:15]

Yeah.

Brooke Schmidt [00:06:15 - 00:06:44]

And it's interesting. I see a lot of people, like, pushing these digital calendars now, and even those only work so long for people because they have to be able to have a conversation on the fly and then remember to put it on the right day and time. And so, you know, some of those early warning signs of all these little things will eventually go into, oh, mom didn't show up to the doctors. We had a family dinner, and she totally forgot.

Darleen Mahoney [00:06:45 - 00:07:19]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I know we used a calendar, a digital calendar, but it was mostly this is the day, the time, and it would be evening or daytime. It wasn't pm, it wasn't am and it would say Saturday, and it would spell everything out, and then it would go to another screen on basically the weather. Stormy today, clear today. So that. And that was pretty much the basics of that digital clock, and it was gigantic. So. Yes, yes, yes.

Brooke Schmidt [00:07:19 - 00:07:27]

That sounds much better. Some of these ones that are designed for, like, busy families are not a great option for. For an aging older adult.

Darleen Mahoney [00:07:27 - 00:08:04]

Oh, and this is. This was back, like, in 2018. So, I mean, I'm sure they've come a long way. That was very innovative back then. Then it was pre AI. So, yeah, so they've definitely made it more complicated. Almost like making, like, working a television more complicated. Because now you have apps, you have to sign in, you have to click this. What did you watch? So versus just clicking down and going from channel to channel to channel to channel. So everything gets more complicated the more technology that comes on board. And it can be worse for an aging person that's not having any issues, but significantly worse for someone that is.

Brooke Schmidt [00:08:05 - 00:08:18]

Yes, yes. And even, you know, a lot of older adults right now, you know, technology is still not something they grew up with. So some of them have learned it, some of them have not. So we have a really wide range of what they can handle.

Darleen Mahoney [00:08:18 - 00:08:32]

Exactly. It can be overwhelming. And the overwhelming and the stress and anxiety just can actually make your. I guess you would call it symptoms or make dementia, Alzheimer's. It can make it worse.

Brooke Schmidt [00:08:33 - 00:08:34]

Yeah, definitely.

Darleen Mahoney [00:08:34 - 00:09:09]

Yeah, it can definitely escalate it. So some other signs. One thing that I found interesting is when folks are starting to have some bathroom issues, and I feel like that's something people don't want to talk about. It's a big taboo to talk about that but it really shouldn't be because at the end of the day, we're all gonna go through it, all of us. There's no unless you, you know, whatever, but there's no get out of jail free for that. As you age, it's gonna, at some point potentially become an issue.

Brooke Schmidt [00:09:10 - 00:12:03]

Yeah, bladder control issues impact women more than men. We know in younger ages, but as we get into older adult aging, it catches up with men as well. So. And you know, dementia, Alzheimer's aside, it can be impact anyone. Diabetes, kidney issues, heart disease, they all end up having an impact on it. And it's definitely something that people don't want to talk about, even as a nurse, bringing it up, discussing with people. They're uncomfortable, they may brush it off, they may say it's not an issue. But there's definitely some early warning signs that I notice. And one of the. I often tell my husband one of the downsides of being a nurse is I notice these things about people even when it's, I'm not working, you know, a lot of these things. And so. But when we're talking about early warning signs of incontinence, there's some of the obvious ones, like repeated trips to the bathroom, you know, appearing antsy or agitated. It's, it's. I hate to use this as an example, but it's like a little kid when they're, they're doing a potty dance. You know, adults can do their own kind of agitated one. And especially in people with dementia and Alzheimer, it can very much look like a toddler who needs to go to the bathroom because they lose the ability to communicate those thoughts with people. Frequent urinary tract infections are also what I see with people kind of in early stages of incontinence, because when we're talking about incontinence, there's multiple different kinds. There's the, I need to go to the bathroom right now, and I didn't get any warning. There's also the bladder stops being able to empty on its own, which is more common with men. And so they can start getting UTIs when they never had them before. And people often don't connect the dots on things like those. And those are maybe some of more clinical things too. But when early incontinence is happening and it kind of switches to being unmanaged, because people might start with these small, infrequent leaks, and then it becomes more. Often we can start to notice. Like when I'm going into someone's home, there can be a urine smell. It can be in their clothes, it could be in the carpet, it can be from the accumulating products in the trash. It sort of ends up with this cumulative effect if they're not asking for help. And one of these real telltale signs is if I go into someone's bathroom and they have this overflowing trash can, often of, you know, wipes and incontinence products, because they're going through them, they don't have a system to manage the trash, they don't want to ask anybody for help, and they kind of get in this situation where they're, you know, things get out of control.

Darleen Mahoney [00:12:04 - 00:12:41]

Yeah, no, I can definitely see that. That. That would definitely be an issue. I had a question for you, and I'm now trying to remember what that question was. But it seems like incontinence is something we don't talk about, like I mentioned. But one thing that I think is kind of important. You mentioned it, you touched on it. Is the smell. And I think that when you do laundry, you can only get so much out. So if you're pulling fresh, clean laundry out of a dryer and it still has that lingering odor, that's kind of where. That's huge red flag.

Brooke Schmidt [00:12:41 - 00:12:42]

Yes.

Darleen Mahoney [00:12:42 - 00:12:45]

That's probably one that's not being managed or treated.

Brooke Schmidt [00:12:45 - 00:12:58]

Yeah, yeah. And it's. And it's probably not just coming from underwear and pants. It can be, you know, the. The bedding that's on the bed or a blanket on the couch or, you know, it starts to kind of. The smell creeps into everything.

Darleen Mahoney [00:12:59 - 00:13:11]

Yeah, yeah. So incontinence products are created specifically to help maintain the. The smell, the odor, the leakage, everything that's going to affect everything in the home.

Brooke Schmidt [00:13:12 - 00:13:56]

Yeah, yeah. And incontinence products can also be taboo for people because they. For the average person living at home or even in independent living, their access to them is often through the grocery store. So they go walk down the aisle, and if they're brave enough to stop there, they might be looking over their shoulder to see, you know, who they know is there. You don't want to be, you know, caught in that aisle. And. And so it's rushing to grab something and not taking the time to do the research. And there's a lot that goes into the different product types. The fit is really important and sizing and it's a lot harder than just, you know, it's not grabbing a one size fits all product off of the shelf.

Darleen Mahoney [00:13:56 - 00:14:50]

Yeah. So it's important to do your research on what's gonna be Best suit your needs or the needs of your loved one. And, you know, I think trying to do your research in a grocery aisle when you don't know who you're going to run into, it can be very intimidating. It can be intimidating for a caregiver that's purchased the name for somebody else as well, so not even related. And then you're checking out with it and it goes ding. Unless you do the self checkout. You know, then it's something that kind of goes through there. So I can. I can absolutely see where that's an issue. So I know that one of the companies that. Well, Live Dry sponsors our podcast. They're amazing, and they're an online resource as well as being able to purchase products online. So it comes to your house, nobody sees it, it's packaged, what have you. So tell us a little bit about the resources that are important to Live Dry to be able to provide to their.

Brooke Schmidt [00:14:51 - 00:15:42]

Yeah, so I think Live Dry is a great resource because they have their whole product catalog online. They have sizing charts, and they give actual measurements, which I always. One of the first things I do when I'm working with people in continents is we're measuring because if you don't have the right fit, you're gonna have leaks. And then they also, they have like an absorbency scale for every product, and it'll tell you, like, how many cups of fluid a product holds. And so being able to take the time to research on your own or with an adult child to be able to figure out the product that's best matched for your needs is gonna go a long ways in helping you avoiding the urine smell and wasting products that don't fit and don't work for the kind of incontinence you have.

Darleen Mahoney [00:15:42 - 00:16:00]

Right, right. And I think it's important, it just occurred to me, making sure they know which way they go, which is the back, which is the front. Because, you know, when you're wearing traditional underwear or whatever the case may be, there's. It's clear. And I feel like incontinence products may be a little bit less clear.

Brooke Schmidt [00:16:01 - 00:16:46]

Yes, definitely. And a lot of the Live Dry products, some are designed for men, some are for women, some are for both. And they'll be, you know, like a marking for front, back. And there's also. It's always a good idea to read the description because there's certain pads that are meant to go in your underwear versus pads that are meant to go as a booster in, you know, a disposable product. And so you know, let's say you don't know and you're at the grocery store and you grab a product that's meant to go inside of a pull up, it's not going to have a backing on the back, so it's going to run straight through the pad to your underwear. And so there can be so much frustration with people using the wrong products. So being able to research combination of products. Yes, yes.

Darleen Mahoney [00:16:46 - 00:17:00]

See, I just learned something right there. I just thought there was. You pick out a size and that's the size. I didn't realize there were booster products that helped fill the gaps where the main product isn't helping. I didn't even know that was a thing.

Brooke Schmidt [00:17:00 - 00:17:17]

Yeah, yeah. And there's products designed for daytime and nighttime. So like for example, someone with diabetes, they tend to have more heavy incontinence at night. So they could very well get away with a small liner in their underwear during the day, but may need a very heavy, more diaper style product at night.

Darleen Mahoney [00:17:17 - 00:18:21]

Yeah, yeah. And one thing that's great, and I want to say I felt like we have come a long way is that they are now created to be less obvious, be more seamless when wearing clothes that people aren't going to notice or whatever the case may be. And I think that's so important because, you know, no one wants to feel uncomfortable. And I know one thing with my mom, she had ovarian cancer and when she went into the hospice side of it, that was the hardest thing, honestly, that was the hardest thing for her is because she, she grew weaker and some different things. But they, they put an incontinence product on her and she just said, this is, I don't want this in front of my girls. She was just, it was really, that was so hard for it. I'm like, mom, this is the very least of anything in the entire world. So I think it's important that you know, you have stuff for those folks that are still able to get up and get around that. It's not obvious because it is, it's something that can be embarrassing.

Brooke Schmidt [00:18:21 - 00:18:37]

Yeah, it's definitely a dignity issue. And we don't get to determine as family members, as daughters, as healthcare providers where that line is for people. And for some people, incontinence is that line. And so having the conversations can be, it can be really difficult.

Darleen Mahoney [00:18:38 - 00:18:57]

Yeah, yeah, I, I agree with you. So we, we talked a little bit about that. So what are some other things that maybe your loved one who's aging is starting to have some potential issues? With remembering or just general, like, health decline.

Brooke Schmidt [00:18:58 - 00:19:49]

Yeah. So a big one. And I see this with my. My own grandparents, which I'm, you know, lucky enough to have. But a big one that I notice with people is their, their fridge can be a really big giveaway. And if you open someone else's fridge and there, there could be spoiled food, there could be way too much food, there could be no food. And these are all kind of warning signs in their different way, you know, different ways to me. But as people age, their. Their taste changes, their smell changes, their appetite changes. The one my grandma tells me all the time is I cooked three meals a day for my whole life. I just don't wanna cook anymore. And so often when you open their fridge, it's the spoon. The food may be spoiled. Cause they've forgotten it's in there. They can't smell it.

Darleen Mahoney [00:19:50 - 00:19:52]

They don't wanna waste it. A lot of times they don't wanna waste it.

Brooke Schmidt [00:19:52 - 00:19:53]

They don't wanna waste it.

Darleen Mahoney [00:19:53 - 00:20:06]

Especially if they went through the depression, which my grandmother did. I think those folks are probably aged out for the most part, but they didn't want to throw anything out because they'd been through that.

Brooke Schmidt [00:20:06 - 00:20:46]

Yeah, yeah. Or they were raged raised by parents who were in the depression. So we see this kind of effect. But another one I see, which often goes, more people overlook it more is the fridge is so stuffed full of food and people are like, great. They're eating. They have all this food. But often what's happening is people are bringing food over and then it's just sitting there and they're still not eating it. And so it's being kind of aware that paying attention to these little subtle things, because before the doctor notices the weight loss or they're malnourished, there was gonna be these little signs that they weren't quite feeding themselves the way they should be.

Darleen Mahoney [00:20:47 - 00:21:03]

And older people tend to start eating less versus what they may have been in the past. And like you said, their taste buds change all the different things. So they're less inclined to may eat more. And then they start eating less and they start having health issues.

Brooke Schmidt [00:21:05 - 00:21:19]

Yeah, yeah. So diet is. Is huge for all of us at any point in our life. And so there's. There's definitely always warning signs before. It's like, hey, mom hasn't been eating for, you know, two months. Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:21:19 - 00:21:46]

Yeah. And one thing that I think is something you also have to kind of check up on is when people are. When they have their medications and things like that. Because as you get Older, your medication list gets bigger and bigger, it seems, versus anything else. And it's keeping up with those. I'll be honest with you, I find that as one of the hardest parts. I know that, and it wasn't even my medication. But keeping up with all of that, it's like a full time job.

Brooke Schmidt [00:21:47 - 00:23:07]

Yeah, yeah. So a word we use a lot in the healthcare world is polypharmacy and it is like most common in older adults. So as people age, they start getting all these different specialists, their primary care doctor. Unfortunately, our health system's not perfect. These people don't all talk and next thing you know you have a med list with 20 plus medications on it. And I would struggle to manage that as a nurse for myself. You know, there's only so many systems. So some of the issues, you know, little subtle things with medications that I'll start to notice is that for some medical providers you can tell when people refill their medications or not. So I may notice a patient who hasn't asked for more refills and they should have been out a month ago. And that's going to be a red flag to me. So something that like I do with my parents or grandparents is, you know, quick look at their medicine bottle, when was it? Usually they'll have somewhere on there that says last refill. You know, if that's way out of date, that's going to be a clue that they are not taking that medication either because they forgot, they don't know what it's for, they don't like the side effect. And, and it's really common that people will start a new medication, they don't like the side effects, they just stop it and they never tell anybody.

Darleen Mahoney [00:23:07 - 00:23:08]

Yeah.

Brooke Schmidt [00:23:08 - 00:23:09]

And then, you know, you're, they don't

Darleen Mahoney [00:23:09 - 00:23:11]

want to be told, they need to take it.

Brooke Schmidt [00:23:11 - 00:24:17]

Yes, yes, exactly. Yeah. And kind of along with not refilling is maybe a family member is filling in one of those medi set boxes where it has the days of the week and the time and, and they go refill it the next week. And you know, either they're all still there, some of them are there. I've seen where people got confused and put them in different spots where they weren't supposed to be. And so it would take someone paying close attention or helping them with it to notice that. Like, I know my kind of way of kind of easing into the conversation so people don't get defensive is, oh, where do you keep your medication? Just sort of like, you know, do you know, do you know what Things the doctor has you taking right now, like those are questions I would, you know, could ask even with a family member, just to try to get a sense of it. Because sometimes you'll be like, oh, well, some are in the bathroom and some I keep them on the kitchen table and some of them are by the sink since I take it with my coffee. And you can start to see if there's little kind of cracks in their system of where, oh, this might not be. Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:24:18 - 00:24:50]

Little messy. Yeah. So I did want to ask you a question. You know, we talked about, you know, it's not a perfect system. And that does make me crazy because if we can do all these things, we shoot off rockets, all the things, all the medical records should be able to talk to each other. But I do notice with my own healthcare that everything goes, they really want everything going to a single pharmacy. Does that help? Do they cross reference typically and kind of make sure that you're not taking something that's. That would be a bad interaction with another medication.

Brooke Schmidt [00:24:51 - 00:25:27]

Yeah. So if you are using one single pharmacy, in theory and best practice, the pharmacist should be double checking everything in their record when they're giving someone a new medication. When somebody's like in the hospital, for example, they have, they have specialty pharmacists who are doing that. But that's also requires the person in the hospital giving them an accurate list of their medications. Yeah. But yes, in a perfect world, a pharmacist, if you had all your medications through the same pharmacy, would be being flagged if there were things interacting with each other.

Darleen Mahoney [00:25:28 - 00:25:48]

Yeah. So that's not a guaranteed defense, but it's definitely something that might minimize any kind of interactions because if you do interact certain medications, you're going to feel like garbage. I mean, if it's. You mean as simple as that, it just may affect the way that you sleep or the way that you feel or your energy or it could be something actually quite severe.

Brooke Schmidt [00:25:48 - 00:26:08]

Yeah, definitely. And it's, it's always why when you go to like your primary care appointment and as an adult child, as the older person bringing an accurate list of every single thing you're taking from every person, even if you think it doesn't matter because it's vitamin D or this and that having one person look at that list is huge.

Darleen Mahoney [00:26:08 - 00:27:09]

Yeah. Every time you go to the doctor, you really should have the complete list of medications. I know they ask you, but you don't a lot of times include those vitamins on there for sure. And you could be overtaking vitamins or not taking enough vitamins or. Vitamins are a hot mess. Express as it is, because you don't even know where they're coming from. Yeah. So I feel like we need to kind of button all that down. But that's a whole different podcast vitamins. So. So one thing that I find somewhat heartbreaking or very heartbreaking is that seniors, sometimes they exhibit different things just from being lonely and not being connected to society. Because if they're, especially if they're at home, they're aging at place, they live alone, and their movements may be. They may not be able to drive, so they're getting delivery or things like that, I think that that can also cause some issues just on the social side. Yes.

Brooke Schmidt [00:27:09 - 00:28:36]

Yeah. Yeah. Loneliness is really hard and unfortunately, really prevalent, and it shows up differently for everyone. And so sometimes, you know, family members will tell me, I didn't realize dad was so lonely. He never said anything. Because I think a lot of times older adults don't want to burden their children or their grandparents, you know, grandchildren. But it can also show up as. As the person who's mean about it, like, oh, you never come to visit me. And then it ends up pushing people away because they're like, grandpa's so grouchy. He doesn't, you know, he's not fun to be around. I think a hard one for me is sometimes as a nurse, especially in hospice and palliative care, I can be the only social connection that person has. And maybe they don't have family, or maybe their family lives across the country and, you know, they're working and they have their own children, and there's just a lot of. Of pieces that. That go into it. And there's, you know, there's also loneliness. Like, you touched on that. They can't drive themselves. They're afraid that they can't find a bathroom. They're afraid they're going to fall. There's so many different factors that go into it, and mental health in general is something that's pretty overlooked with older adults. And so family may not notice those little signs before, you know, mom or dad are clinically depressed and need a lot more help. And so they think it's.

Darleen Mahoney [00:28:36 - 00:28:41]

They're old. They're old. So that's just going to be old person. They're going to be depressed. That's not true.

Brooke Schmidt [00:28:41 - 00:28:42]

Yeah, yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:28:42 - 00:28:45]

And that's the stigma, I think, that really, really needs to be tackled hard.

Brooke Schmidt [00:28:46 - 00:28:46]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:28:46 - 00:28:48]

And it's good that we're talking about it.

Brooke Schmidt [00:28:48 - 00:28:54]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aging does not mean that you have to be sad and depressed.

Darleen Mahoney [00:28:54 - 00:28:55]

Yeah. Yeah.

Brooke Schmidt [00:28:56 - 00:29:23]

And. And, you know, it's hard because there's people who have preferred to be kind of on their own their whole life. And even those people especially get overlooked because people are like, oh, no, they just. They like to be at home all the time alone. That's what they always did. And they're not asking the deeper question of, like, what's preventing you from, you know, even going to a grandchild sporting event. Is it. Is it pain? Is it, you know, incontinence? Is it lack of transportation?

Darleen Mahoney [00:29:24 - 00:29:27]

Yeah. So having those conversations.

Brooke Schmidt [00:29:28 - 00:29:28]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:29:29 - 00:30:07]

Is huge because you can't just brush it under. But you do have to have the hard conversations. You can't just guess or blow it off because you don't want to infringe on whatever. But I do think it's having opus, open, honest conversations on what's going on in someone's life. And, you know, one of the things is it could be, you know, you talked a little bit about getting out, but, like, what are some signs that people are maybe struggling to move around a house or having some of those issues that that might be why they're afraid to go out because they don't maybe want to use a walker or have a walker. What are some of those signs that they're having some of those issues?

Brooke Schmidt [00:30:07 - 00:30:30]

Yeah. So a fear of falls and is a huge thing with older adults. There's actually a lot of stigma about it. You know, anytime in your house, you're, like, in the hospital, it's like, press this button, do get up without me. You cannot fall. And so people start to become afraid of falls. I often hear a lot this, like, I'm going to fall. I'm going to fracture my hip. I'm going to be in a nursing home, and I'm going to die.

Darleen Mahoney [00:30:30 - 00:30:31]

Yeah.

Brooke Schmidt [00:30:31 - 00:31:05]

You know, that's a very concrete sequence of events that people think happen. But before that fall happens, there's other little, you know, things that are happening. And one of the biggest ones I see is, like, what we call furniture surfing. So someone's walking through their house, and instead of, like, you or I, we just walk down the hallway. There's. There's a touch point everywhere. They are, you know, their hands on the wall, it's on the chest of drawers, it's on the back of the couch. It's. And it's helping them because that's how they're. That's how they're keeping their balance because they're aware that they're Unsteady.

Darleen Mahoney [00:31:05 - 00:31:06]

Yeah.

Brooke Schmidt [00:31:07 - 00:31:14]

And often furniture surfing doesn't happen until somebody's already had a fall. But they probably didn't tell you.

Darleen Mahoney [00:31:14 - 00:31:15]

And they're afraid.

Brooke Schmidt [00:31:15 - 00:31:28]

Yes. And they're afraid of doing it again because the falling once makes you significantly more likely to fall again because it, it changes how you move your body because you're, you're bracing for something to happen.

Darleen Mahoney [00:31:29 - 00:31:40]

Um, so what, what, so what are some of the signs that maybe someone has fall, fallen and didn't tell you? What are some telltale signs?

Brooke Schmidt [00:31:41 - 00:31:42]

Bruising.

Darleen Mahoney [00:31:42 - 00:31:43]

Yeah.

Brooke Schmidt [00:31:43 - 00:32:34]

You know, often like scrapes, bumps we're seeing on arms, legs, an injury like I twisted my ankle or you know, new onset pain in a shoulder or really the biggest one I see is people start furniture surfing because. And then they're going to be more hesitant to go out places where to like go for a walk out in nature because there's nothing to hold on to. And you know, telling their doctor means they might need physical therapy, they might need a walker, they might need a wheelchair. And those are all, again, it's a dignity issue. It's a loss of independence. Someone might tell them they can't drive. So they're very likely to mask falls in the early stages before this, like, you know, they fell and broke a hip.

Darleen Mahoney [00:32:35 - 00:33:07]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I, I, and I get that, I mean, I get that. I don't know that I wouldn't be the same way, to be honest with you. Just because, I mean, we all want our independence. There's nobody. This is. Yeah, I don't care. You know, I don't care. Do whatever unless you are having some definite mental or depression issues. But to me, I feel like most people want to maintain their autonomy as long as they possibly can get away with it. Not can, but can get away with it. So two very different things. So. No, I didn't even think about the furniture surfing. That's such a great ad.

Brooke Schmidt [00:33:08 - 00:33:26]

Yeah. Yeah. It's even like, you know, a lot of these things, older adults and toddlers end up having some crossover. It's like when a baby's learning how to walk. They're, they're standing up and grabbing onto the table for balance, you know, before they can do it on their own. And so we kind of see both ends of that with, with aging.

Darleen Mahoney [00:33:26 - 00:33:45]

Yeah, for sure. Oh, my gracious. Well, I, we talked about quite a bit today and I want to make sure we don't leave anything off. Is there anything that we haven't talked about that you think would be, is a good, like, resource of kind of when folks might need additional help or care.

Brooke Schmidt [00:33:45 - 00:34:24]

Yeah. I think the big thing is, is when you. When you see little things happening and they become a pattern, it's not just once or twice, maybe, you know, you write it down, you make a note of it, you mention it to another family member and see if they're like, oh, hey, you know, mom did that ten times last week. And I think it's. It. I think it's. It's slowing down and noticing those things. As much as we don't want to see our parents or grandparents age and, you know, not be able to take care of themselves, noticing those little things and intervening earlier is going to potentially prevent the really big things that we're like, wow, we wish we did something sooner.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:24 - 00:34:34]

Yeah. So pattern. Kind of looking at a pattern and maybe a combination of all the things we talked about today might be stuff you want to check off your box.

Brooke Schmidt [00:34:34 - 00:34:35]

So.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:35 - 00:34:51]

Oh, the notepads. Oh, I'm noticing that their medication is not getting refilled. That's when you have to start, like, maybe looking for signs that maybe you weren't paying attention to, like the medication. Typically, you don't go dig into somebody else's medication unless you feel like there's an issue. You don't just do it for fun. Kicks in and giggles.

Brooke Schmidt [00:34:51 - 00:34:51]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:51 - 00:34:56]

So I think that that's important to kind of piece it all together. It can be a little bit of a mystery.

Brooke Schmidt [00:34:57 - 00:34:57]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:34:57 - 00:34:58]

Yeah.

Brooke Schmidt [00:34:58 - 00:35:12]

And also just acknowledging that those conversations are difficult and that there can be some defensiveness and finding that balance of being helpful without just taking over everything. Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:35:13 - 00:35:56]

So what I have kind of found is that there is defensiveness a lot of times, but there's also. They know something's going on. They know it. So I think the defensiveness wears off fairly quickly. If you go about it the right way and offering resources and help, it can unburden them from what they've been burdening for so long with. I'm having trouble walking through the house. I've fallen. Nobody knows. I'm having some incontinence issues. Nobody knows. Can't keep up with my medication. Nobody knows. Well, somebody now knows. And now I'm mad because I'm going to have to face it myself. But now I have some help, so there's got to be some kind of relief that comes with that.

Brooke Schmidt [00:35:57 - 00:35:59]

Definitely not being fully responsible for it.

Darleen Mahoney [00:36:00 - 00:36:31]

Exactly. Not being fully responsible. Getting that help and resources that you need. So I do appreciate the fact that Live Dry does offer those additional resources, and everything is online. And I know we're going to provide those links in our description as well as some additional links for a new resource website that's coming up here fairly quickly. So I think that that's going to be really great for our listeners. So they can go on there, do their research, find out what best fits their needs so they're not buying random products and crossing your fingers and hoping for the best.

Brooke Schmidt [00:36:31 - 00:36:43]

Yeah, yeah. And there's a lot of. They have a lot of resources specifically about sizing, fit, troubleshooting, leaks, things that you're not going to get reading the back of the package in the drugstore or the grocery store.

Darleen Mahoney [00:36:44 - 00:36:48]

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So that's amazing. I just love that. I appreciate what they're doing over there.

Brooke Schmidt [00:36:48 - 00:36:50]

So. All right.

Darleen Mahoney [00:36:50 - 00:36:58]

Well, thank you, Brooke, so much for joining us today. I loved this podcast. It was very enlightening and I really learned a lot, and I'm hoping that our listeners did, too.

Brooke Schmidt [00:36:59 - 00:36:59]

Yeah.

Darleen Mahoney [00:37:00 - 00:37:12]

Yeah. Thank you. And if you enjoyed this podcast, we can be found anywhere. You listen to podcasts, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, GoodPods, all the apps. Check us out there, like subscribe, comment. Thanks for listening.